If we are being honest, we all have them. There’s jealousy, paranoia, abandonment, unhealthy attachments, approval, the incessant need to always feel like you have to prove yourself to others, YOU NAME IT.
Some issues don’t manifest themselves until we have to deal with other people. And other people have their issues too.
So this one is for the people dealing with issues.
You know, the people that see posts like this…
and think to themselves, “I’m probably the relationship that’s draining them”. If you can’t relate, you’ve come to your point of exit. There are amazing podcasts or sermons you can listen to. A good one I just listened to is called “The Cost of Cover Up” by Holly Furtick.
For the one or two remaining that can relate, bring it in
This is not a “woe is me” blog and I’m not here to talk about how we’re misunderstood because…no.
This blog post is here to ask you; what’s the issue?
I have a “friend”. Her issue is abandonment. She gets tired of being abandoned so she finds a guy she likes. She decides she is holding on to this one and never letting him go. This then manifests itself into other issues such as jealousy, paranoia, and an unhealthy attachment to this guy. Give the devil an inch and he will take a mile. Eventually, the boy, although he loves and cares about her, deciding he wants peace of mind, leaves the relationship.
This leads the girl right back to where she started and reinforces her issue of abandonment, maybe now even more deeply than before.
The thing is if we have issues, relationships or people cannot fix them. They can only magnify the issue. We must stop looking for things in people that we can only find in God.
If she had found Christ, let him help her get to the root of her issues, help her deal with her issues, and found her identity in him, before she got into a relationship, all this pain and confusion could have been avoided.
I’m not sure when or where the root of your issue was first planted, but best believe that it can be uprooted.
For some of us, if we are being honest, the root of our issues can be found buried deep in the dirt of social media. Social media, for some, has now become a handbook on how we think we are supposed to act.
“Crazy is what guys love”
“Anybody can get cut off”
“Have no feelings, so you don’t get hurt”
Before you know it you’re the crazy, emotionally stunted human with no friends.
The same world that tells you who you should be is the same world that will condemn you for being just that. Stay woke.
“I’m spoiled, I don’t like hearing no”, “if I push you away and you leave, you just failed my trust test”
That is not how relationships work. We need to grow up and lay our childish notions and social media rhetoric to rest.
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me” 1 Corinthians 13:11.
Some issues have been planted and hidden deep down inside, giving the illusion that they no longer exist. Nevertheless, with time they grow and bear fruit because they’ve been watered down by unforgiveness and ignorance, amongst other things.
When the Bible says to forgive, it’s not only to set them free but, in a way, to set us free.
Other times, we think if we ignore something and not deal with it, with time it will depart from us. No. Nah. Nay. Niet. Nil. Nie. Nej. Nein. Nu. Non.
Try ignoring an injury without properly treating it and see if it’ll depart from you.
Please don’t. Treat your wounds.
It’s like trying to put makeup on a bruised leg and attempting to walk on it. Yes, it looks fine, but when you try to walk on it, you stumble and fall. You can fake it, but unless you let God truly heal you, you won’t make it.
I have another “friend”. She also has issues of abandonment. However, she deals with her issues differently. Instead of holding on to people, she pushes them away and doesn’t let them in, because she tells herself they’re going to leave regardless. Of course, they leave eventually, strengthening her belief that everyone leaves. In psychology, this is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She meets an individual that’s willing to fight to stay in her life. The more she pushes them away, the more they hold on, the more she pushes, the more they hold on, the more she pushes the more they hold on, the more she pushes the more they hold on, the more she pushes, the more they hold on, the more she pushes the more they hold on…
but eventually, “even youths grow tired and weary”.
Let me take a break from people dealing with issues.
For the people out there struggling with the people aforementioned and have “grown tired and weary”,
There’s good news. “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint” Isaiah 40:31.
Chances are you’ve been holding on by your own strength, which explains why you’re now depleted and tired. The thing is you can’t change anybody, only God can do that. If you love them, pray for them and trust God to heal them on his own timing.
He is Jehovah-Rapha.
Also, on the other side, “Love does not insist on its own way” 1 Corinthians 13:5.
Love doesn’t try to change anyone to fit their needs, and if you are trying to do that, you probably have issues that you need to deal with as well.
Back to the people dealing with issues.
Find your issue and deal with it.
Dig up your issues and deal with it. If you bury something, it’s still right there where you left it.
Be honest about your issues because it will manifest itself into smaller issues that could end up consuming you. Be vulnerable about your issues, speak about your issues and the truth will set you free.
Jesus is the truth and when he died for you on the cross, you were set free.
Walk in that freedom, and don’t keep going back to the chains that held you bound.
You’re a new creation in Christ.
You better act brand new and shine.
Don’t be scared to shed off the old skin, the new one looks better on you.
Do better for yourself, and if you’re a person like me, then I know that you do want to be better and you do want to do better, but sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own head. Keep praying, keep warring, keep spending time with God and let him heal you. Remember “12 we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” Ephesians 6:12.
Also, I’m a huge advocate for counseling. Get it if you need it.
By the grace and power of God, we’ve got this.
But the first step is to identify the problem.
So, what’s the issue?